So take a deep breath and jump then fall*

    To be fearless. What does that mean? Well, I ended my first post of this blog saying that I would be fearless when I went back to school in the fall. That was a very easy thing to say in February when I had a whole six months to do some healing and soul searching and to just figure out my life. Now? I leave for school tomorrow. As in nine hours from right now. The question is... Am I fearless? 


     Honestly I think I am. If you recall fearless does not mean I am invincible. Let's face it, no one is, or ever will be. But I know I can face all that I have on my plate for this semester. For sure I am scared. I have butterflies in my stomach, and my toes and my throat but I'm not petrified. I know that I am a different person than I was in February. I know that I am a stronger person. I know that I have a support team who will catch me if I think I'm falling. And those facts make me fearless. 


      Tomorrow is going to be weird. The next few weeks are going to be weird and awkward and uncomfortable but I need to go through them. Why? Because life isn't about the fall. It's about getting back up and fighting for yourself. And that's what I have to do tomorrow. I have to take a deep breath and jump. I know there will be people I won't want to see that I will and things that remind me of the mistakes I made but I also know that those people and those mistakes don't define me anymore. Reality is they never did. I just let them. I'm too strong to let that happen again. 


       I honestly don't know what tomorrow will bring, besides a few happy reunions with my teammates and some boring paperwork. And I'm okay with that. I think it's good for me not to know what lies ahead of me. It's good for me to literally take one day at a time and figure out what I want to do. It's good for me to feel like I could throw up I'm so nervous but to keep my head up and still go. This semester and summer have been pretty challenging for me. The semester before this one was even more challenging but I have been able to grow up. I have been able to figure out who I am. Who I want to be. Who I need around me to be that person. I have been able to heal. Inside and out. I no longer have a torn elbow. I no longer have a discombobulated mind. I no longer have a damaged soul. And, I no longer have a broken heart. And that is what life is all about. Being fearless enough to take time to heal. But life is also about realizing when it's time to move on and let go. And that is what time it is for me. 


        This is definitely not my last blog post. I may have some moments where I am not fearless but that's okay. I may be completely fearless all semester. And that's okay too. Whatever happens though I know I am ready to face it. Head on. So now it's time for me to take a deep breath and look my fears in the eyes and be okay. And I know I will be okay. And that is what makes life so beautiful...